My Own Worst Enemy

Sweat dripped down my face, while my headband did its best to keep my hair out of my eye.

“What’s your name?” the coach said to me.

There was this hesitation inside of me...an anxiety I couldn't seem to shake hindered my ability to answer.  My eyes gazed around the field. Uncomfortably snuck up on me and paralyzed my body. My mouth was frozen.

"What's your name?" the coach repeated once more.

He probably thought I was deaf or something. "Ju-just call me Neesee" I managed to get out.

I was overcome with this implausibility. My thoughts were flooded with: what am I doing here and why am I here? Being on the women's soccer team the second year in a row, I shouldn't feel like this...I should be more confident.
So why do I feel out of place?

New year? New coach? New girls?

It was the new girls.

I am the most introverted person in the world, being around unfamiliar faces makes me incredibly nervous. I did not feel comfortable on my team.  It was predominately freshmen!

2012 Women's Soccer Team

They had the skills and talents for soccer. Something I lack! I became self conscious around the new girls. Any kick or play I did, I felt was made with judgement. Was it all in my head? The few old players we had left on the team already knew I sucked, so there was no self consciousness around them at all.

I was only on this team because they needed "bodies". There wasn't even tryouts(that's how desperate they were).

The competitiveness of some of the new girls rubbed me the wrong way.  Some of them lived and breathed soccer. Their attitudes on motivating the team completely turned me off. They made me feel like I wasn't good enough for the team. So I decided to quit.

I was happy with my decision...until I realized I let everything get to me. It was typical Neesee, she can't handle it..so she gives it up.

I let them get to me. The problem wasn't them it was me, it was never them. IT WAS ME!!

The side glares and judgments that I was feeling, was just my ultra sensitive personality getting the best of me.I didn't feel like I was good enough, so my insecurity took over and won.

I didn't want my insecurity to win...AGAIN!!!

The next day, I decided to talk to the coach. Within a few minutes I was back on the team.

I'm ready to give my new team a chance...I'm ready to grow!