Something that caught my eye: Save Lockey's Dad

The Auden Family

I was surfing the web when three words caught my eye: Save Lockeys's Dad The words hit home for me.  Too close to home.

The Auden family is the typical American family, whose lives have been affected by terminal cancer.

Me at age four

Nick Auden, Lockey's dad, is fighting terminal cancer. He is being denied an experimental treatment that could potentially save his life.

When I was a kid, no more than four years old, my dad got sick. My sisters and I were told the "kid" truth, that daddy was feeling "tired" and needed to rest somewhere else that will make him feel better.

When I grew up I was told the "real" truth. My dad needed a kidney transplant and they didn't think he would get one.

My dad showing me off

My dad later told me, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to watch me and my sisters grow up. We all were so young at the time. My oldest sister was six and my youngest was two.

He feared missing out on our high school graduations, walking us down the aisle and being there when we have our own kids.

 Dad lived to see his girls grow

Thankfully, my dad found a kidney donor.

But not everyone is that lucky.

I know Nick Auden has to share the same fears my dad once did...that he won't be around for his three kids.

So please sign this petition and save Lockey's dad.

First Game: United we stand, Divided we fall

With only a week of practice together, our soccer team was thrown into its first game.

To put it simply, we were not ready.

I don’t mean just skill wise – not ready.  I mean team wise – not ready.
There was no bond between us. No unity.  No camaraderie.

Any athlete will tell you the importance of team bonding and unity.

2013 Women's Soccer Team: why did I wear glasses

Teams that often end up winning in sports are those that work well together.

How were we supposed to win a game together if we couldn’t cooperate?

The tension between us, left the team fragmented into cliques.  We were separated by new players, old players and competitiveness.

So going into our first game there was a division amongst us – especially with the EXTREMELY competitive girls.

The intensity they had for the game rubbed some people the wrong way…including me.  It felt like everything I did was wrong to them.  It didn’t help that my soccer skills were premature.It really didn’t help that before the start of this game the coach decided to put me as forward, when I have always played midfield.




We played against Thiel College

So, now the coach expects me to start scoring goals. No pressure!
Don’t get me wrong, I understand why he made me forward, but it didn’t help my case with the competitive girls. Now it was my job to make sure we scored points...

Needless to say, when I stepped out on that field I was full of anxiety.

The first ten minutes were fine, it's just what came after that that wasn't...there was no communication with our team. We weren't talking on the field. Except screaming and
yelling at each other when we did something wrong.


 Teammate Jessie icing her foot

Not surprisingly,  the other team scored a goal.

Frustration set in. We became irritated  with each other.

And the other team could see this and used it to their advantage.

Which made one goal become two goals, two goals become five goals ,and five goals become eight goals.


Even though we were losing, I honestly believed we were all working as best as we could during the game.

Well, I guess I was wrong! A teammate of mine, came up to me 20 minutes before the game ended  and told me "You need to start getting the ball"(like I don't get the concept of the game).


The combination of the heat, my exhaustion and my sensitive personality made her suggestion come off a bit "bitchy".

I probably would have been more receptive to what she was saying,  if I hadn't been running around on that field for almost 90 minutes in the blazing heat.
I understand she is competitive and has this adrenaline for the game...but don't depreciate my role on




What can I say? I was tired

the team.

My body was running on zero. All I wanted to do was collapse.

But I kept pushing myself and now she was telling me my effort wasn't good enough.

And If she didn't think I was doing anything before, I was definitely not going to do anything now.



After the game

 Yes, I know its was petty and childish.  At the time I didn't care.

The last 15 minutes I did not run across the field. I just counted down to the mintues when it will all be over.

The time went by quick. The final score was 12-0. As usual we were all irritated with each other and we fragmented back into our cliques.

I guess whoever said that quote was telling the truth: united we stand, dividend we fall.

And boy did we fall.

New Number, New Problems

I always thought it was crazy for athletes to grow attached to their jersey numbers..but now I get it.

With the arrival of the new jerseys for the team, there was a numeral shake up. Some new girls claimed the old players’ numbers, before we had a chance to grab it.

Leaving the former number 18 to grab my number 13 jersey…which left me with jersey number 10.
needless to say I was NOT happy.

I had grown accustomed to wearing that number.

Last year's pic:
I was never good at
taking pics

The number fit me seamlessly.

It was ingrained into who I was, it was a part of me… a piece that was now forever gone. Am I being dramatic? Maybe!

But I felt a sense of empowerment from it.

The number 13 is known for being unlucky. When I played soccer that’s how I felt…unlucky! After all, I was the worse player on the team, the one with no skills at all.

Even off the field , it fit my awkward and quirky personality. It fit my identity.

And now number 13 is someone else…

I’m just going to have to get use to it. I’m going to have to get use to being number 10. However, I'm definitely going to miss 13..we had some good times together.

How Do I Look?

The team received new jerseys a few days ago…I don’t know how I feel about them. What do you think?

My Own Worst Enemy

Sweat dripped down my face, while my headband did its best to keep my hair out of my eye.

“What’s your name?” the coach said to me.

There was this hesitation inside of me...an anxiety I couldn't seem to shake hindered my ability to answer.  My eyes gazed around the field. Uncomfortably snuck up on me and paralyzed my body. My mouth was frozen.

"What's your name?" the coach repeated once more.

He probably thought I was deaf or something. "Ju-just call me Neesee" I managed to get out.

I was overcome with this implausibility. My thoughts were flooded with: what am I doing here and why am I here? Being on the women's soccer team the second year in a row, I shouldn't feel like this...I should be more confident.
So why do I feel out of place?

New year? New coach? New girls?

It was the new girls.

I am the most introverted person in the world, being around unfamiliar faces makes me incredibly nervous. I did not feel comfortable on my team.  It was predominately freshmen!

2012 Women's Soccer Team

They had the skills and talents for soccer. Something I lack! I became self conscious around the new girls. Any kick or play I did, I felt was made with judgement. Was it all in my head? The few old players we had left on the team already knew I sucked, so there was no self consciousness around them at all.

I was only on this team because they needed "bodies". There wasn't even tryouts(that's how desperate they were).

The competitiveness of some of the new girls rubbed me the wrong way.  Some of them lived and breathed soccer. Their attitudes on motivating the team completely turned me off. They made me feel like I wasn't good enough for the team. So I decided to quit.

I was happy with my decision...until I realized I let everything get to me. It was typical Neesee, she can't handle it..so she gives it up.

I let them get to me. The problem wasn't them it was me, it was never them. IT WAS ME!!

The side glares and judgments that I was feeling, was just my ultra sensitive personality getting the best of me.I didn't feel like I was good enough, so my insecurity took over and won.

I didn't want my insecurity to win...AGAIN!!!

The next day, I decided to talk to the coach. Within a few minutes I was back on the team.

I'm ready to give my new team a chance...I'm ready to grow!